Still Doing Texas Proud...

KATY, Texas - A man unhappy with an Islamic association's plans to build a mosque next to his property has staged pig races as a protest during afternoon prayers.

Craig Baker, 46, sold merchandise and grilled sausages Friday for about 100 people who showed up in heavy rain. He insisted he wasn't trying to offend anyone with the pigs, which are forbidden from the Muslim diet.

"I am just defending my rights and my property," Baker said. "They totally disrespected me and my family."

Dear Texas Jackass,

Regarding the property of other people, you have little to no right to tell those other people what to do with their property. If they were building on YOUR property, that might be a different story. But no one's building on your property, so shut up.

Perhaps most importantly, if you insist on being a jackass, at least be honest about it. Not trying to offend anyone? Sure. I bet you race pigs by Islamic holy sites just for the fun of it.

Look, you can be a jackass if you must, but don't be a liar to boot. Do that and you're beneath the scum of the Earth.

See, this is why people hate Texas.

Sincerely,
Me