A Plea in earnest to the one they call "JR"

Jeremy, buddy...

Please, come home. Haven't you traveled long enough?

I mean, first, for whatever godforsaken reason, you spent some time in Phoenix. You should have known that hockey doesn't belong in Phoenix. How many Stanley Cups did you win there? Yeah, that's what I thought. Please, they don't even know what it looks like. I think they were even worse in attendance than we were last year.

You went to Philadelphia too. Wow. I bet that was rewarding. We can't all work for the always-understanding Bobby "We didn't tell Roger Nielsen to go get cancer" Clarke, but you were lucky enough. So was Amonte. So was Zhamnov. You were all on a playoff line called "Blackhawk Down." Did that humiliation win you any Stanley Cups?

Of course not. So you went to LA. You were the big man in LA. Only problem is that Anaheim is the big team in LA, and they haven't even been there as long. You watched as they won the Cup last year, but not your Kings. Was it worth it?

And now you're going to San Jose? Come on! Haven't you had enough of this? Come home, already. Oh sure, Chicago's not going to win the Stanley Cup this year or any time soon...unless Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, and Martin Havlat become Sidney Crosby, Alexander Ovechkin, and Joe Thornton, respectively, overnight...oh, and Khabibulin would have to stop every shot he saw.

Okay, I know. We're not the best team in the League right now. But we all had fun when you were around, didn't we? Remember how you made fun of Patrick Roy in the 1996 Playoffs? Remember when you scored that goal on him and did that "ear ringing" thing? See, that was fun! Wasn't it?

You ran your mouth a lot back then. You still like doing that. The Blackhawks sorely need a guy that does that. Please, hockey hasn't been interesting in this town since...well, since you were around, really. We need that again. 'Hawks hockey doesn't even rank above soccer in this town anymore. You may not win a Stanley Cup, JR, but you sure as hell could make things fun again. Isn't that more worth it: to make Chicago a hockey town again?!

Dude, seriously, come home. Don't worry: Dale Tallon would sign you. He has no trouble signing washed up, useless veterans anyway (See: Bondra, Peter)... Uh, I mean, you've even said once that you'd "Always be a Blackhawk." I can't find when or where you said that, but you did! Don't deny it! And anyway, you wouldn't be ostracized for leaving. You'd be hailed as a hero again! "The Wayward Son Returns Home." It would be awesome. Fans would come to say goodbye. 35-year-old divorced soccer moms would sleep with you because they "thought you were cute" when they were teenagers. Wouldn't that be cool?!

And even if the Stanley Cup thing is so important to you, remember this: your ONLY Stanley Cup Finals appearance came with the 'Hawks.

I'm just saying.