A Final Grade

Dear Wirtz Family who owns the Chicago Blackhawks, (and all Blackhawks fans who are reading, for that matter),

Today, the Blackhawks blew a 2-1 lead to lose 3-2 to the Calgary Flames.

This brings the Blackhawks to 63 points, 6 behind the Columbus Blue Jackets for last place in the Western Conference Central Division, and last overall in the Western Conference.

If you care at all about the Chicago Blackhawks, please immediately fire Denis Savard, the Head Coach, and Dale Tallon, the General Manager. They have proven completely unable to put together a winner.

In the meantime, please seriously consider and contemplate why you wish to own one of the most money-draining and unpopular franchises in all of sports.

Did you hear me? You are almost certainly losing money. You are less popular than the Wolves. You CAN'T be making money.

Please give serious, thoughtful consideration to running this hockey club. Thank you.



Yeah, it's probably hopeless, but nothing could HURT at this point, could it?

Blackhawks Down

Dear Wirtz family,

As you may or may not know, you are the owners of the Chicago Blackhawks, the city of Chicago's only NHL franchise.

As one of what is probably 1,000 *true* Blackhawk fans remaining in the world, I now ask of you sincerely, on behalf of all of them...

...why do you continue to hurt us like this?

Thursday night, the Blackhawks lost their fifth straight game (one of several times that this has happened this season). It was a shutout, 2-0 to the San Jose Sharks, currently 5th place in the Western Conference and in all likelihood, a playoff-bound team.

How are the Blackhawks doing? 13th; one point from being 14th, and three points from being 15th, which is dead last in the West.

So once again, despite elevated expectations and some good players, the Chicago Blackhawks have drastically underachieved and they will not be in the playoffs.

All the Blackhawks have to show for this year: one fired coach, one all-star, a measly 22 wins when the best team in the league has nearly twice that much (Buffalo), and our fiercest rival, the Detroit Red Wings, is in first place in the Western Conference.

Why do you insist on keeping this team so BAD, Wirtz family? Why do you continue to let us suffer with a terrible head coach, and an even more inept General Manager in Dale Tallon? Sure, Tallon has good intentions, but the man can't evaluate talent to save his life. He brought in the slightly-above-average Martin Lapointe (who, to his credit, became the captain), the terrible and injury-prone Adrian Aucoin, and the highly overrated Nikolai Khabibulin. Tallon passed on better, younger talent to form this squad of forgotten sorta-greats. And do I really need to go into detail about head coach Denis Savard? He's been an assistant coach since 1997, and the Blackhawks have made the playoffs ONCE in that span.

Actually, let's go into detail about Savard's ineptitude, shall we? The following teams in Chicago have enjoyed more playoff appearances than the Blackhawks since 1997:
-The Chicago Bulls
-The Chicago Bears
-The Chicago White Sox
-The Chicago Fire (MLS)
-The Chicago Wolves (AHL Hockey)
-The Chicago Bandits (Professional Women's Softball)
-And yes, EVEN THE CHICAGO FREAKIN' CUBS!

Why, Why, WHY must we loyal Blackhawk fans continue to suffer like this? Why must we watch our beloved team lose on TV (when we can see that, since you black out most home games), in person, and on the internet almost every single day? Why must we continue to have to find other teams to cheer for when the playoffs start? Why must our early-season enthusiasm be gone by the second month of the season?

Some have accused you of just milking the fans of the franchise out of their hard-earned money. To your credit, I don't think that can possibly be true. Fewer and fewer fans come to the United Center every year, and it's almost never full, save for the games against the Red Wings and Blues (and then, it's THEIR fans filling most of it up!) The attendance at Blackhawks games has been so low that it's become common knowledge among hockey fans in Chicagoland that the minor-league Wolves, playing at the lower-capacity Allstate Arena in Rosemont, frequently outdraw the Blackhawks. And it's not like the fans are even buying that much new Blackhawk gear; among the stores carrying less than a complete clothing rack of Blackhawk apparel: Dick's Sporting Goods, the Sports Authority, MC Sporting Goods, Target, K-Mart, Steve and Barry's, and most Wal-Marts.

You claim to be fans, Wirtz family, but are you? Does the losing hurt you as much as it hurts us? Do you really suffer when the 'Hawks limp to the kinds of finishes that they have become known for?

If so, for God's sake, DO SOMETHING! Fire Tallon and Savard! Stop looking within the organization for that savior and look outside for a WINNING coach and GM! Pat Burns, formerly of the Maple Leafs, and gold medal winner for Canada, is still available.

And you could always get down on your hands and knees and beg Darryl Sutter to come back. The franchise hasn't been the same since he left.

Whatever you do, can you at least give us some indication that you care? Many think that you're heartless, faceless individuals who deliberately want to run the franchise into the ground. Absent any words or actions to the contrary, I guess I believe the many. But even if you are those types of individuals, why do you have to hurt OUR franchise? Why do you have to add more misery to fans of a franchise that hasn't won a Stanley Cup since 1961?

Tell you what: here are a number of franchises you COULD run into the ground, and most people would be okay with it:
1) The New York Yankees (They've got 25 world championships and make the playoffs pretty much every year. Some failure wouldn't even phase them, and people would love you for getting rid of the Boss)
2) The Boston Red Sox (They've got the most self-loathing fans in the world anyway)
3) The Florida Panthers (No one has cared about this team since...well, ever)
4) The Tampa Bay Devil Rays (No one even knows this team is still around)
5) The Florida Marlins (Ditto)
6) The New England Patriots (Their head coach can turn crap into gold as it is)
7) The Dallas Cowboys (No one likes them except Texans, who don't matter anyway)
8) The Houston Texans (see directly above)
9) Roger Clemens (okay, not a team, but you could be his agent and run him into the ground and that would make a lot of people happy)
10) The Chicago Cubs (no one would notice)

Whatever, just stop hurting us. We've followed this franchise through hell and back.

We don't deserve this.

A Friend In Need

Dear Ford Motor Company,

We need to talk...seriously.

This is difficult for me, since I feel like I'm trying to talk a friend into going into rehab or something.

Let me just say that I think you make great products and I (mostly) trust your brand and have for many years now. My family trusts you too. Therefore, I feel the need to say something:

Get help. Get help now.

Okay, I admit that I don't know where the help is supposed to come from (Nissan? Honda? Chrysler?). However, it's time to admit that you have a serious problem.

Let's start with the net loss of $12.7 billion that you posted over the last year...

...which led to you cutting 30,000 jobs and closing 14 North American plants...

...and conclude with a recent report that, in your turnaround efforts, you are missing the marks that you set for yourself.

Wow. This is bad. Really bad. I...I hope that I don't need to tell you this.

Well, at least you had a chance to save some face with your racing program this month, being that the Daytona 500 was going on. Nothing cures company hardship like a win at the Great American Race, right?

And it started promising! Robert Yates Racing put its two Ford Fusions on the front row at Daytona!

Oh, but how it ended.

Only two Fords in the Top 10. The Top 4 were Chevrolets.

That isn't even the worst part. Mark Martin, a loyal Ford driver for nearly 30 years, nearly won the race. He finished a close second...

...like I said, driving a Chevrolet...for another team...

...and this was Martin's sentiment after the race:

"Mark Martin told former teammate Jeff Burton during the offseason this might be his best chance to win the Daytona 500. He told him the restrictor plate program for the Chevrolet he would drive at Ginn Racing was better than any of the Fords he drove the past 19 years for former owner Jack Roush."

Ouch.

Well, it's not like this is a new sentiment or anything. A defector to Toyota, Dale Jarrett, already criticized you for a lack of funding and engineering resources to Ford teams.

Not that you can be blamed too much...you really can't fund teams when you don't have money to begin with.

So that's that, Ford. You have little money, fewer workers, and no credibility in the nation's most popular racing circuit.

You are losing badly.

I do not have the answers for you. However, it is time to recognize that the situation is desperate.

If you need a shake-up at the top of the company, do it. If you need to develop smaller, cheaper, more fuel-efficient cars, you better believe that you should do it.

If you need to merge with one of these companies, well...

...at this point, I don't think you're in much of a position to bargain.

Get help, Ford, before you lose everything.

Digging Your Own Grave

Dear Rossford, OH School Board,

I see that yesterday, your school levy failed.

Normally, I would shake my head and think that this was a bad thing; however, I will show you no sympathy.

Why should Rossford voters fund your school district when you apparently have over $150,000 to settle a lawsuit with a Christian rock band, despite the fact that you won the lawsuit in court?

For that matter, why should voters have ANY confidence in you or your decisions, when the aforementioned settlement was approved by school board President Dave Kleeburger, whose son happens to be in that Christian rock band?

I think the answers to those questions are self-evident. In this particular instance, it looks like Rossford voters got it right. They rightfully had no confidence in you, and yesterday, they told you as much.

Good luck gaining that confidence back.

And jerk of the year (yes, already) winner is...

Dear America (except Packers fans),

Being that they are the underdog tomorrow (by 7 points), and since everyone loves an underdog...

If you find yourself needing an excuse to root against the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XLI, I give you the following reasons:

1. Tony Dungy is an underdog at life

2. Peyton Manning deserves it

3. The Super Bowl Shuffle

4. The Super Bowl Shuffle (the music video)

5. This guy:



(The Bears downed the New Orleans Saints in the NFC Championship Game)

UPDATE: And with a 29-17 score, the Colts finish what Mrs. O'Leary's cow started.

Kevin Harvick, asshat

At a Tuesday night media session designed to outline Dale Earnhardt Inc.'s 2007 season goals, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. was pointedly asked to respond to comments Kevin Harvick made earlier in the day about the perception that Teresa Earnhardt is an absentee team owner.

``It's hard when you have what I call a deadbeat owner that doesn't come to the racetrack,'' Harvick told reporters during a stop at Richard Childress Racing.

Dear Kevin Harvick,

You may be right. Teresa Earnhardt may not be at the racetrack every Saturday or Sunday. Dale Earnhardt, Inc. may be running races without its owner on many a raceday.

Why is that? I don't know. Maybe she's still recovering from losing her husband at a racetrack. Maybe it drives her half insane to be constantly around the things that took her husband's life. Maybe she understands the business aspect of the sport much better than the mechanical half, and she trusts the men who work on her cars to take care of that half.

If any of those things are true, maybe, Mr. Harvick, you're right to suggest that she is distracted and that she should step aside from ownership of DEI.

A couple of things strike me though: First, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. was competing with the best of the Chasers last year until Brian Vickers wrecked him at Talladega. Junior may very well have won the title, or at least come closer to it, if it hadn't been for that wreck. Did Teresa Earnhardt's presence cause that wreck? No. Did Teresa Earnhardt's absence cause that wreck? No. And in any case, Jr. finished 5th in the standings.

Second, when Jeff Gordon was making his run of championships in the late '90s, was Rick Hendrick at the track for every single race? No. Clearly, he wasn't at the 1997 Daytona 500 when all of his cars finished in the Top 5. Much of Gordon's success in that era was later attributed (probably correctly) to the work of his crew chief, Ray Evernham (now the owner of Kasey Kahne, Elliott Sadler, and Scott Riggs, despite accusations that he too is an absentee owner, which is another topic for another day). Did Rick Hendrick's absence or presence at the track make any difference to how Gordon dominated? The answer must be no.

The logical conclusion to this is that the owner's presence at the track on raceday makes little difference to how the driver does. In fact, if Teresa Earnhardt is absent from the racetrack as often as you say, the feats of DEI, especially on restrictor plate tracks, are all the more impressive, I think.

So, Mr. Harvick, maybe Teresa Earnhardt isn't at the racetrack, but I doubt that she's dragging her team down. If you wonder why Dale Earnhardt, Jr. has struggled at times, and I'm sure that everyone has, perhaps it's because he's got more pressure on him to win than any other driver in NASCAR. He is the prince, the crown successor to the Earnhardt dynasty, and he could not get out of the spotlight if he tried. Every move that Junior makes is critiqued and analyzed to death by announcer and fan alike. Maybe he just needs the pressure to subside, or he needs to learn to ignore it.

That said, Mr. Harvick, I hope that Earnhardt Nation is pissed at you, because you are certainly not helping the situation. All you've done with your comments is put more pressure on Junior. And why? Is it because you just needed to run your mouth off? Was this a half-hearted effort to try and lure Junior to Richard Childress racing? Did you want to psyche out an opponent before the season starts?

Whatever your reasoning, Kevin Harvick, it's time to shut up. You can't possibly understand Teresa Earnhardt's feelings, and you probably can't understand the situation at Dale Earnhardt, Inc. Teresa Earnhardt is not your owner, and it is not your place to comment on her race team.

And what about your team, Kevin? What about your focus? Why, despite having a dominant car for much of the Chase, you mustered no better than 4th. What about your continued presence (and boring domination) in the Busch Series? Could that be distracting you from winning a championship?

Conveniently, the struggles of Richard Childress Racing have hidden your lack of focus, Mr. Harvick. This year, with Richard Childress being "back" by all accounts, you probably won't be so lucky. That said, I hope that you're ready to answer when the tough questions start coming.

And I also hope you learn to mind your own damn business.

Ode to an Announcing Legend

Dear Benny Parsons,

In an era when sports announcers mostly consist of the overly-polished, Ivy League-trained snobs or know-it-all, arrogant former athletes, you were different.

Your homespun Southern drawl and hearty laugh made listeners feel like their grandfather was announcing the race.

Your ability to make even the most mundane racing move seem incredibly exciting was a characteristic that Darrell Waltrip now can only wish that he will match.

Your behind-the-scenes insights and personal asides brought out the humanity of NASCAR personas, and it made the sport not only watchable, but likeable.

You made every race that you announced a joy to tune into, every single time.

When ESPN lost the right to broadcast races just before the 2001 season began, my biggest concern was that I might not get to hear you announce again. Fortunately, you did turn up on NBC later that year.

Thank goodness. Everyone who ever listened to Benny Parsons comment on a race is better for the experience.

I cannot imagine a year without Benny Parsons in the booth. Unfortunately, now I must.

You will be missed, Benny.


Benny Parsons 1941-2007

The Angry Mob

Dear Denis Savard,

Hi again. It's us angry Chicago Blackhawk fans.

You know what makes us angry, Mr. Savard? A loss to the Red Wings. Yeah, that pisses us off.

You know what also tends to make us angry? A losing record. (Hawks are now 17-22-5).

Now, the author of this blog was particularly angry at you becoming the head coach, Denis. Just see his November 27, 2006 entry.

Yeah, but you began to prove him wrong. As a head coach, you actually started pushing the Blackhawks towards the playoffs...

...slowly.

The 'Hawks were within striking distance of the playoffs in 10th place.

They're now tied for 12th and in danger of falling to last place.

Hey, you know what might help? Sitting Nikolai Khabibulin. He's probably tired, having played 17 straight games. Yeah, not leaving him in there to get tired and die might definitely help.

Oh, but you know that Denis. You're a brilliant coach. Sports Illustrated even says so.

You'll know what to do.

And since you're so smart there Denis, let us be blunt with you here.

Fix this.

Fix this now.

Fix this now or we will take down that retired jersey of yours that's hanging from the rafters of the United Center, and beat you over the head with it.

Or maybe we'll just replace it with you...

...it depends. Are you going to lose to the Red Wings again?

Barry Bastard

Dear Barry Bonds,

Retire.

Go home.

Jump in front of a truck.

Seriously, screw your chase of Hank Aaron's record. You are the holder of a bigger world record that will never, I repeat, never be broken:

World's biggest dickhead baseball personality.

Let's see, from everything that has ever been reported, you:
-Have used performance enhancing drugs (even you've never outright denied that)
-Cheated on your wife
-Beat up your mistress
-Threatened your personal trainer (the one who got you the drugs)
-Refused to show hustle after getting hits, so that you almost never hit doubles
-Threatened your teammates
-And, in your latest chapter, you even blame a teammate for your own use of performance-enhancing drugs.

Wow. Seriously, what could you do for an encore? Kill a kitten with a baseball bat? Throw a baseball at the head of a dying boy? Anally rape Vin Scully?

I mean, just when I think that you couldn't possibly do something to make the people of this nation hate you more, you go and prove me completely wrong. Well, I give up. There is no floor for you, Mr. Bonds. You are a completely terrible human being. You contribute almost nothing positive to this planet. You are the scum of the baseball Earth.

The worst part? You'll completely dodge any charges of illegal drug use that will be brought against you because you gave appropriately vague answers before a grand jury. Because of your celebrity status, you'll pretty much get away with beating whoever you beat. Because of the baseball universe being asleep at the wheel for much of your drug use, you'll even get into the Hall of Fame for the illegitimate numbers that you put up.

In other words, you will never suffer the consequences that you should for the actions that you've done.

Do you even have a conscience, Barry? Don't you ever feel bad about yourself and the people that you hurt? Are you so soulless that you'd step on and hurt anyone or anything just to protect yourself?

In other words, are you related to:
-Hitler?
-Stalin?
-Saddam Hussein?
-Pol Pot?

You know what? I don't want to know. Just go away, Barry. Get lost. Leave us alone, and let us think of what we can do to prevent more jerks like you from ever happening. I don't know why it makes you so happy to be such a miserable human being, but since you insist on that, there's no reason to make the rest of us suffer for it.

Why Are You Still Here?

Dear Matt Millen,

Congratulations!

You are one of only two people in the United States whose continued presence in your office makes people want to scream, cry, and tear their hair out.

The other, I think, is George W. Bush.

Think about it: both men inspire large groups of people to congregate and conduct chants calling for their firing.

And why the hell not?

But back to the subject at hand, Mr. Millen. I cannot, for the life of me, determine why it is that you have a job right now. The Detroit Lions are 24-72 under your watch as General Manager. You have a top 10 pick in the draft for at least the third straight year. The Detroit Lions have finished last in their division for all but two years of your six year tenure (The other two years they finished next-to-last).

Perhaps most importantly, every single Detroit sports team has made a playoff appearance during your tenure. Even the Tigers! Sore subject?

I guess you have a job because owner William Clay Ford can't seem to let you go. Did you impregnate his daughter or something? Is he holding a shotgun to your head to make sure that you marry her? More importantly, will you honeymoon in Appalachia?

Okay, all joking aside (I think), you say, "I'll never quit...it's the way I'm made." Sure, it's the way I'm made too. The difference between you and me though, Mr. Millen, is that when I really suck at something, I walk away before I want to hang myself.

You'd think, with all of the criticism that George W. Bush receives, he might feel the same sorry way. However, there are people who think that George W. Bush is doing everything right (unfortunately), and people DO support him. Does anyone support you, Matt? I mean, besides from within the organization? Mr. Bush has at least 20% of the country agreeing with him at any given point in time. Does anyone agree with you Matt, besides Ford and the players that you overpay? What about them? Any big names signing with Detroit, or are the only ones who WANT to come back the ones that you brought in?

Seriously, Millen, step down! You can't be possibly be happy doing this. Would you rather live your days with an entire metropolitan area wanting your head, or would you rather go back to announcing, where maybe a couple drunks in a bar disagree with what you say? You can't honestly tell me that the former is preferable to the latter.

Sometimes, you just can't do something. Me, for example, I can't be an Olympic gymnast; I'm too old and inflexible. So what do I do? I stay the hell away from Olympic gymnastics! Likewise, Mr. Millen, you should stay the hell away from being the GM of the Detroit Lions.

And think about that "old and inflexible" comment.

http://www.firemillen.com

I mean, It was bad...

Dear Dick Clark,

As I watched you celebrate New Year's in the Eastern Time Zone, one thought crosses my mind:

Okay, that's enough.

Look, it's time. It's just time to walk away from doing this New Year's Rockin' Eve thing.

Last year, your first time back after the stroke, you looked...well, bad.

This year, you looked terrible.

Please, step away before they make you step away. You should feel proud that you tried, but seriously...that's enough. Walk away with what pride you have.

I hate Ryan Seacrest. Yeah, I really hate him. He doesn't know that we can all see, despite what he says, that he didn't really get a kiss from Christina Aguilera.

Yeah, that's generally pretty embarrassing.

What's more embarrassing, Dick, is you stumbling over what time it is as the ball drops. What's more embarrassing is seeing you try, and fail, at doing this New Year's Eve thing.

Look, Dick, you've had a great run, more than any person could have hoped for. However, when it's time to step away, it's time to step away. When you just can't do it anymore, you can't do it anymore.

As embarrassing as Ryan Seacrest's mooching is, your slurring and stumbling is worse. Please, for the sake of your dignity, step away from New Year's Eve.

You don't really want to be remembered as being more embarrassing than Ryan Seacrest, right?

Still Doing Texas Proud...

KATY, Texas - A man unhappy with an Islamic association's plans to build a mosque next to his property has staged pig races as a protest during afternoon prayers.

Craig Baker, 46, sold merchandise and grilled sausages Friday for about 100 people who showed up in heavy rain. He insisted he wasn't trying to offend anyone with the pigs, which are forbidden from the Muslim diet.

"I am just defending my rights and my property," Baker said. "They totally disrespected me and my family."

Dear Texas Jackass,

Regarding the property of other people, you have little to no right to tell those other people what to do with their property. If they were building on YOUR property, that might be a different story. But no one's building on your property, so shut up.

Perhaps most importantly, if you insist on being a jackass, at least be honest about it. Not trying to offend anyone? Sure. I bet you race pigs by Islamic holy sites just for the fun of it.

Look, you can be a jackass if you must, but don't be a liar to boot. Do that and you're beneath the scum of the Earth.

See, this is why people hate Texas.

Sincerely,
Me

This Has Got To Stop

Another day, another foiled plot to attack students and faculty at a school.

I've asked before, and I ask again: why does this keep happening?

Look, it's nice that the plots are being uncovered before they happen, but why does the very idea of attacking a school continue to promulgate? Why do kids repeatedly want to resort to this tactic? What can be done?

It is too much to ask the current "Lame Duck" Congress to tackle this problem (or any relevant, meaningful problem that isn't moral in nature, for that matter). It is also too much for our President to address the issue, as his administration's response is repeatedly, "Teachers and parents need to do more together." The Supreme Court may address this issue soon, but they'll likely say that it isn't their place to address these matters (and they're correct).

This problem is much too deep to ask teachers and parents to "do more together." I am planning on writing my Congressperson, and I encourage everyone to do the same, to request that this next Congress form a committee investigating the problem of school threats.

It is time for the causes of these problems to find a solution. The root of the problem must be found first though, and it must be found before it is too late.

Justice Perlaky, dissenting (I like typing that)

"If you become a federal judge in the Southern District of New York (Manhattan), you can't raise a family on what the salary is"

So says United States Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, the controversial and conservative Supreme Court Justice, commenting in a recent speech that the annual Federal Judicial salary of $165,200 (in 2006) is too low.

And now to respond in a judicial opinion-like blog entry:

History and tradition have never seen any federal employee being paid well. Justice Scalia would like to see this change, at least for the occupation that he himself holds. I suppose I should take that to mean that Justice Scalia's own salary of roughly $200,000 yearly is not enough. From this ridiculous and untenable premise, I must dissent.

As an American citizen who pays his taxes, I do not feel the need to apologize to Justice Scalia for his inability to buy that Acura last year. Nor do I feel the need to apologize for him being unable to construct that indoor pool that he always wanted. I simply cannot see fit to say that a salary of over even $80,000 yearly is "not enough," especially in light of the fact that many teachers, auto workers, truck drivers, social workers, soldiers, and other people who keep this country humming along do not make even half that amount.

"Something must be done!" Justice Scalia cries, "or the judiciary will only appeal to those who...GASP!...LIKE doing public sector work!" Silly me. Here I was, thinking that the U.S. Government WAS the "public sector," as serving the public seems to have been exactly the goal that the Framers of the Constitution sought to achieve. Not so, says Justice Scalia, who believes that at the current judicial salaries, the federal judiciary "cannot attract the really bright lawyers." Actually, Justice Scalia may have a point here, at least if his own presence on the U.S. Supreme Court has been any indication. Further, I do not see how a higher salary necessarily makes a smarter worker. Wasn't former Enron CEO making a salary into the millions of dollars before he came up with the foolish idea of cheating and bankrupting his company and all of its investors, thinking that he would get away with it?

Justice Scalia also outright mocks the interpretation of the Constitution as a living document that has evolved over time. Without such "evolution" of Constitutional theory, however, I wonder how Justice Scalia and his brethren would be paid at all. Article III of the Constitution, which controls the federal judiciary, mentions only that a "compensation" is due to said judges. Under Justice Scalia's interpretation of the Constitution, I believe we must interpret history to show that John Jay, John Marshall, and Oliver Wendell Holmes all earned nearly $200,000 at some point. This is despite the fact that the salaries that federal judges make today might shock all of these aforementioned individuals, if they were living, into the graves that they in reality inhabit.

As is usually true with him though, reality has no place in the thoughts of Justice Scalia. Never mind that it is doubtful that there are many "families" living the in the wealthiest part of Manhattan in the first place, Justice Scalia must outright deny that the Constitution is evolving right before his eyes, even though many men who have come before him on the Supreme Court have made it so. Really now, if the Constitution was not a living and evolving document, would Justice Thurgood Marshall have sat next to him on the Court for a number of years? The original document said that Justice Marshall was not a person. On that note, would either Justice Clarence Thomas, also African-American, and Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sandra Day O'Connor have ever served with Justice Scalia, if the Constitution was not a living and changing document?

At least this observer is grounded in reality enough to see that Justice Scalia is too old and obstinate to realize his errors. Since this is the case, our living and evolving society deserves a Justice on the U.S. Supreme Court who interprets a living and evolving document.

It is a shame then that Justice Scalia will not step down, probably more out of fear that his pension will be too low than anything else.

And I approve this message

I am a Steelers fan.

This means that I can't be a Browns fan, I guess.

Regardless, I lend my official approval (whatever that's worth) to Craig Lyndall's idea that Bill Cowher should coach the Cleveland Browns.

I will make my reasoning short and sweet, especially since it's exam time:

1) Cowher is a bona fide winner who spent some of his coaching and playing time in Cleveland.

2) Cowher is burning out from the same scenery in Pittsburgh, and honestly, we can't expect that he'll be there forever. Putting one of his understudies in the head coaching position may put some new fire into a gassing team.

3) The Browns-Steelers rivalry has weakened. This means that the games aren't as exciting anymore (what was the last Steelers win by? 20?), and worse, Cincinnati and BALTIMORE are ruling the division. If Cowher's on the Browns and the Steelers are fired up again, every Browns-Steelers game will be meaningful because both teams will likely control the division...and that's how it should be.

4) Chad Johnson would have to answer for his lack of wins in the Battle of Ohio

5) Steelers fan though I am, I think Cleveland Browns fans deserve better.

I repeat, not even a week after a study was released saying that winning the Iraq war was impossible...

From cbs11tv.com:

President Bush, standing alongside his chief Iraq war ally, asserted Thursday that success in Iraq depends on victory over extremists across the "broader Middle East."

Not even a week after a study was released saying that winning the Iraq war was impossible...


And now, an open letter to President Bush:

Dear President Bush,

Ahem.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(smacks him on the nose with a newspaper)

No.

And I CANNOT make the message any clearer than that.

Sincerely,
Me

Boston Hearts the Yankees

So, Boston, I see that your Red Sox are on a spending spree again.

By paying J.D. Drew $70 million, the Red Sox payroll is up to...looks like well over $190 million.

I'd like to call to your attention three old axioms that seem particularly relevant to this situation:

1) "Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery": by following the Yankees' payroll ideas (a.k.a. "Buy everything in sight to create a winner"), you flatter them by essentially acknowledging that they have the right idea. That's right, Boston Red Sox, you LOVE the Yankees AND their ridiculous payroll ideas. There, I said it.

2) "When you stoop to the level of your enemies, you prove yourselves no better than them": Yep, this pretty much describes the Boston Red Sox all right. Way to prove yourselves as part of the payroll problem in baseball, rather than the solution. Can we rename you "New York Yankees North?"

3) "When you sleep with dogs, you're bound to get fleas": I like this one best. Hey Boston, look how much good your insanely high payroll did you last year. YOU MISSED THE PLAYOFFS! And the Yankees were out in round 1. Team chemistry ever strike you as an idea?

Guess not. Oh well. Just let me know, Boston Red Sox, when you want to order your pin-striped uniforms to complete the transition.

Sadly serious

Wait...

I mean, seriously...

Some things just strike you as, "No freakin' way this is for real."

The pop duo Prussian Blue falls into this category.

I didn't really think they existed, but according to Wikipedia, and their website, they are apparently very real.

And so are their fans.

Prussian Blue is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl duo that apparently spews racism, Holocaust denial, and in general, the eradication of black people from the Earth.

Oh, and they think that Hitler had some good ideas.

Unless this is the greatest hoax ever unleashed upon mankind, I could not make this stuff up.

They have received death threats. According to the Facebook Group "Please Join In Protest Against Prussian Blue," their father has been shot and the girls were sent into hiding.

I haven't been able to confirm statements that the group has made it onto the Billboard charts.

In any case, it is unbelievable that there are still people out there who teach their kids this shit.

I don't even know what to say about people who still believe that Hitler had the right idea and that blacks should be eliminated as a race. I don't know what to say to those people who believe that the white race is in danger.

Except, maybe, "get help."

But I'm not even sure why Prussian Blue bothers me.

Maybe it bothers me because I see a young duo like Prussian Blue, and I lose hope for the future. Prussian Blue means one more generation will be around to spew hatred and bigotry. Prussian Blue means that any advancements that might have been made to eliminate hate are marginalized, if not outright forgotten.

I don't have a fix-all cure for racism. I do know, however, that groups like Prussian Blue mess things up even more. So do rioters.

It is naive to think that racism doesn't exist anymore, and that differences are not apparent. However, society will only advance once people work together in spite of those differences. Hate groups, on either side of the racial equation, accomplish nothing. There are problems between these groups, and with that comes inherent mistrust. Solutions are needed, and none are clearly in sight.

I think it's legitimate to point out that the numbers of these hate groups seem to grow when domestic problems are ignored. I realize that it is impossible to address every domestic political problem that exists, but the growth of hate groups underscores the fact that not enough attention is being paid to these people and their problems, and these people are generally afraid. Fear helps them grow, and this fear needs to be addressed.

As it is, our government tends to address issues that don't need attention. The citizenry appeared to speak loudly against such tactics in the past election. This gives me hope for the future because it shows that our nation as a whole does care about problematic issues and will move to address them.

So maybe, in the long term, hate groups will see their numbers decline as time moves on.

The appearance of Prussian Blue doesn't give much hope though. They're just one more setback.

Is it possible to go below square one?

I admire good sportswriting.

That said, Scott Burnside is the man.

Today, the Chicago Blackhawks finally admitted that their season is going into the tank and fired coach Trent Yawney. As the Miller Lite Men of the Square Table would say, "Good Call."

I was hoping, however, that assistant coach Denis Savard, whom I have never liked behind the bench for his terrible offensive coaching, would be fired.

Too much to ask for, and then some.

I have long felt that Savard was a driving force behind the Blackhawks' suffering. For those who don't recall, Savard did take over the Blackhawks for the final six games of the 2000-2001 campaign.

He didn't win a single game.

And I wouldn't be surprised if Savard didn't win a single game again. No, it's too much to ask of the Blackhawks to hire a proven winner, like Pat Quinn, who happens to have a gold medal under his belt, and plenty of playoff appearances with the Toronto Maple Leafs, and who is available to hire at the moment.

At least Burnside FINALLY calls out Savard for what he is: a bad offensive coach. He also calls out GM Dale Tallon for signing constantly injured (or just plain bad) players, and he calls out the organization in general for consistently hiring and firing bad coaches.

Thank you, Scott Burnside, for saying what loyal Blackhawk fans have been thinking for years now. We couldn't have said it better ourselves.

Hopefully this isn't the last of the firings for what has become a sad organization. Hopefully Savard will eventually join the unemployment line. Hopefully Tallon will follow him. Hopefully some new leadership and fresh blood will be placed in the organization.

In other words, hopefully, Burnside's message doesn't fall on deaf ears.

But when you're a Blackhawk fan, you have to know that no one inside the Chicago Blackhawks will get the message. As a Hawks fan, you grow accustomed to cynicism and disappointment, especially these days...

...where even a step in the right direction turns out to be wrong.

Tom Hanks isn't dead either

So I just randomly heard that this rumor was false.

And I decided to investigate the website where it allegedly came from. The site is FakeAWish.com

So, apparently, you can do this with any celebrity or athlete. For an example, I'll use the player recently signed to the Cubs for a lot of money, Alfonso Soriano.

I can say that he died in a plane crash.

Personally, I think it looks fake, and kinda stupid, but apparently, it fools people. Hence the belief that Tom Hanks was dead in New Zealand, even though he wasn't anywhere near New Zealand.

I do not know what's more sad...the fact that people actually fall for these goofy things, or that there's actually a "market" for them. It's not even limited to celebrities or athletes either. You can also make someone "Masturbation World Champ." Classy.

I don't know why I'm posting this. Perhaps I'm merely crying out for society to do better...much better. It is indicative, I think, of my own level of intellectualism (or boredom), that I actually chuckled a bit at some of the headlines.

Regardless, the kind of havoc this site could wreck is a bit frightening. It hasn't happened, and it probably won't happen, but for the sake of argument, what if someone eventually makes an article saying that a plane has crashed into the Sears Tower or something? Then a number of people are in legal trouble, including the site's creators, probably.

I guess I'll just end by saying, be aware of this goofy site and don't be drawn in by articles that come from it. This is how ridiculous hoaxes get started.

On the bright side, at least that keeps snopes.com in business.